Empowering a Deeper Self-Love

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An honest and http://everydayfeminism.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Selfie-HG.jpgcourageous investigation from a truly holistic perspective into the core of Self-Love is often misrepresented, misunderstood and difficult to navigate without clarity. We have been soothed by our sense-gratifying society, our teachers, mentors and especially by our pop-culture world of spirituality to conjure a very specific vision of that ideal without understanding the essence of dynamics of consciousness.

When the topic of Self-Love emerges in our Spiritual dialogue immediately one begins to visualize those all-too-familiar and wonderfully nurturing experiences that are often lacking and need to be explored in the outer world to re-discover self-love: Candle-lit baths with salts, massages, feasts of organic food, yoga, moonlight walks along the beach, family time, solitude, swimming in a tropical paradise, vacations, spa days… All of these fantasy-world visions of tantalizing, sensual and coveted experiences are designed to lull your precious spirit into almost-forgotten realm tranquility and bliss…Aren’t they?

While all of these external activities are all powerful (and necessary) examples of nurturing that can lead to deeper experiences of Self-Love, they are really only a superficial part of the whole equation. These temporary, outer behaviors alone cannot truly create the depth of sustainable Self-Love that your being is craving without a connection to something  much deeper within you… And this hunger for deeper fulfillment is what ignites the spiritual journey, since “True contentment never created a seeker…”



Self-Love (with a capital “S”) and self-love (with a little “s”)?.

What is the difference and why does it matter?


Your conscious intention, how you choose to define your idea of “Self-Love” and “self-love” and your relationship between the two can not only completely transform but also uplift the quality and experience of both in your inner and outer worlds. Since this concept is often the foundation of so many of our spiritual pursuits, it truly behooves you to explore the difference and examine your relationships within the Universe of You.


self-love (the “little” self + small “l” in love) can be defined as our relationship to our relative bodies (energy, emotions, mind, body and outer world) our persona, ego structure, our identity and how we explore those conditioned concepts in the outer world… It is often the limiting and conditional ideas that we project onto the idea of Self.


Self-Love (the “big” Self + the large “L” in Love) on the other hand can be seen as something deeper, as our relationship to the Pure consciousness and those qualities of our divine essence that moves through all aspects of our being, our deepest nature, the heart of hearts, our still point of center, our core, all resonating from the Source… It is our internal access or interface to the Universal Consciousness.



“The essence of Self-Love empowers
the relative experiences of self-love…”


In other words, the big “S” empowers and enhances the little “s” but it is also true that the big “S” has limited expression without the canvas of the little “s”. Those outer physical expressions are the forum that your deepest nature utilizes to explore, practice and celebrate that experience in this world. So, from a truly holistic perspective, all aspects of SELF-LOVE are necessary to co-create a complete picture as long as we appreciate the necessary position and role of each player in the game. One is not better than the other. Both are necessary. But either way, without some sort of acknowledgment and relationship to the Big Self, you will remain spinning in the superficial mouse-wheel of consciousness without true fulfillment. And at some point in the process as we continue to deepen into until the big “S”  the little “s” will completely dissolve like a tributary that flows into the vast sea. That is often referred to as Self-Realization.

Unfortunately, in our superficial approach in the world the “Big” Self and the inner world is often forgotten, over-shadowed, and filtered by our identification and addiction to the “little” self and its expression in the outer world. The conditioned relationship of the little “self” often becomes what think and believe the totality of our being to be.

By knowing, honoring and exploring the depths of your Divine essence of Self, you can enrich all aspects of our relative expression of love as you continue to deepen within it.   In order to do this, you need to expand your definition of Self-Love to include, accept and appreciate all aspects of the Universe of You and purify those contractive, limiting and outdated aspects as they are discovered… especially those forgotten, unknown and subconscious aspects that lay deep within. Redefining and purifying your relationship to these aspects is where profound growth and expansion occurs. A truly holistic approach will honor the idea if SELF-LOVE in ALL aspects of your being. The more aware, conscious, connected and intentional you are about all of these aspects, the more your relationship will create deeper sustainable states of fulfillment and non-attachment.

That means that our relative superficial candy-colored, techno-colored, cartoon commercial of self-love requires a make-over by being infused with some necessary depth. Here are some examples of deeper and often forgotten qualities of Self-Love:


  1. Developing the skills of observation and Self-Inquiry – True observation is without judgment. Judgment always classifies an aspect of your experience as “wrong” at some level which means it is not accepted, appreciated, honored or loved for what it is. This form of observation beyond the good-bad, right-wrong paradigm is required for true Self-inquiry and introspection into the deeper parts of the Universe of You. It is only through looking through the perspective of those deeper aspects of you that allows you to embrace all those relative aspects with love and true acceptance.
  2. Be an explorer through self-investigation –“Know thy self” and your relationship to the different aspects that make up the complete “you.” How can you create expansion in any area of your being if you do not know what your existing relationship to it is? Knowing how you “tick” how you are conditioned and what you actually believe (rather than what you think you believe) is the beginning of expansion and growth and it offers you the necessary perspective on what you need to change.
  3. Become comfortable with being uncomfortable – Challenge yourself. True change and expansion only happens at the far end of your comfort zone. In fact, comfort & growth are diametrically opposed and mutually exclusive. It is important to realize that being uncomfortable & being in pain are not the same thing. It requires a mature consciousness to distinguish the difference even though the ego likes to confuse the two.
  1. Explore and release your “pain” through purification rather than avoidance –This means owning, feeling, expressing, releasing and therefore honoring your pain in a completely different way. Not easy, but necessary to clear the pipes and let it go. The clearer the path the more that Self can empower self. It requires a very beautiful act of self-nurturing to go through and allow this process. And holding space for the different aspects within you to purify in this way redefines your depth and relationship to nurturing like nothing else.
  2. Embrace long-term “fulfillment ” instead of short-term “gratification” –This moves you beyond outer sense-gratification and identification to go within. Ask what the BIG Self resonates to instead of what feels good to the personality structure of the little self. In the end, you will thank your Self because it will feel more fulfilling instead of just temporarily satisfying.
  3. practice a conscious relationship with your creativity –This seems simple, but it is empowering. When you are exploring and expressing your creativity, you are tapping into the essential quality of your divine Self. We are creative beings who are in a constant state of creating in every moment through energy, feeling, thought, word and deed. When you consciously connect and empower this experience you are making a connection to that which moves through you in a profound way.
  4. Listen, trust, follow and ACT on your intuition–Your intuition is the outward moving expression of your Self combined with your intention. The little self or the personality functions more efficiently in its designated position. It’s job is to execute your intuition into practice in the practical world. That means that you need to empower the deeper Self and allow that to guide your path as it uses the little self to navigate the process. Listening, trusting, following and acting on your intuition empowers both the relationship between the “Big” Self and the “little” self and builds a healthy relationship which utilizes the strengths of both.
  5. Develop, explore and practice your Sadhana (Spiritual practices). There comes a point in every journey when you need to go deeper and explore a spiritual discipline that focuses on you expanding relationship with Self through energy, emotion, mind and body. Whatever the expression of that practice is it is more empowered as “a path of direct experience” that utilizes the mind and the superficial aspects of your being to actualize the deeper parts of your Self. In other words, you use the practical side of the little self to explore the depths of the Big Self. The sincerity of this choice is an act of Self-Love at the deepest level and will create profound change in your relationship with all aspects of you…


Picture of Markus


As a Holistic Life, Business and Relationship Coach, Markus has accumulated over 40,000 hours of coaching celebrities, entrepreneurs, businesses, couples and individuals for over 20 years and has created the groundbreaking IRAM: A Map for Creating Conscious Relationships.He facilitates events worldwide and is a regularly featured expert guest and speaker on podcasts and summits. Using an integrated approach of life coaching, psychology, mindset, alternative modalities and meditation practices, he has changed the lives of thousands by teaching how to transform all your relationships from the inside out.

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